[IYFILWATIP] Chapter 18

Soon, there was a commotion. Whispering voices, hurried footsteps. Kirona’s palace was bustling for the first time in a long while. Kirona flung open the rattling window. The curtains billowed in the wind, and raindrops soaked the bedding. 

Standing in the pouring rain, Kirona took out the riding clothes she hadn’t worn in a long time. She squeezed her emaciated legs into the pants, put on the loose-fitting tunic, and dusted off her boots before putting them on. 

People are foolish creatures who only realise what’s most important after losing everything. Just as the body of a tree only becomes visible after the branches have burned away. Only after losing the hope she had barely found did Kirona realise what she truly wanted. 

Kirona opened the door and stepped into the torrential rain. 

You were right, Francis. 

Love can’t give life meaning. What moves people are always stronger emotions. When I think about it, love wasn’t what kept my wretched life going until now. 

Damn love. 

What kept me alive was obsession. My obsession with life. 

Even after being given a terminal diagnosis, I couldn’t give up on life and clung to it stubbornly. 

What I really wanted wasn’t a child who would live in a world without me, or some fairy-tale romance. 

She wanted to live. 

To live as long as possible, longer than anyone else. 

At the stables, a chestnut horse was waiting for Kirona. It was a horse she knew well. As soon as Kirona appeared, the horse nuzzled her with its snout, seeking comfort. 

Kirona quickly recognised the horse. It was Molly, the mare Kirona had ridden before she became ill. The once vibrant, youthful horse had now grown old, with her mane turning white. 

"I'm sorry for abandoning you all this time." 

Kirona hugged the horse tightly, letting the torrential rain drench her as the horse neighed softly. 

"I should have come to see you sooner. Even if I had to be stubborn about it... Just because others abandoned me, it didn’t mean I had to abandon myself too. I shouldn’t have done that." 

She shouldn’t have given up just because she listened to what others said. Why had she acted so obediently, like a well-behaved child, when she had always been someone who did as she pleased, living life on her own terms? 

I want to live. I don’t want to die. It was a desperate wish. Every night, that wish weighed heavily on her heart, keeping her awake. But Kirona had not allowed herself to acknowledge her desire all this time. It was too obvious a truth that those afflicted with Tetra Fever would die, and there was no one in the world who denied it. 

"It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m going to say no. I won’t listen to those damn doctors anymore. I’ve decided. I won’t die easily. I won’t live like this anymore." 

Kirona hugged Molly’s neck and breathed deeply. She shook her head vigorously, trying to rid herself of the negative thoughts that clung to her, and made a vow. 

"I will find a cure. I will save myself. Even if I have to go to the ends of the earth..." 

Don’t treat me like a corpse. 

I’m alive. I’m breathing right now. 

I’m not going to just wait quietly for the demon to take me anymore. 

The rain touched her dried-up tear ducts, and at that moment, the tears she had hidden deep within her heart finally burst forth. Hot tears mixed with cold rain, soaking her face. Kirona cried for a long time in the pouring rain. 

And that very night, the second fever struck Kirona. It was the demon’s second visit. 

***

When Kirona was sixteen, she received many wounds. So, if someone vowed not to fall in love at sixteen, she wouldn’t be the only one. In this vast empire, there was at least one first princess suffering from an incurable disease who had made the same vow. 

When Jade Eclipse turned sixteen, the Eclipse Count’s family fell. 

No, that’s not quite right. Saying it like that makes it sound as if the family suddenly collapsed when they had been doing well before. To be precise, the family had already been in decline, but at that point, it fell completely beyond recovery. 

"Our noble lord, a messenger has arrived looking for you! I said I would deliver the letter, so I took it. What should I do with it? Should I give it to you?" 

"Hand it over." 

Jade snatched the piece of paper from Zelda Black’s hand, who was grinning as if she was thoroughly enjoying herself. The letter contained a simple message. 

[Earl of Eclipse dead. Mark Eclipse, John Eclipse missing.]